Childhood is the most precious time of a human being's life when one is carefree, innocent, plays to his heart's content, studies and is pampered and loved. This period of life is such a memorable one that, no matter how long an individual lives he cherishes this period.
However, life for me, a handicapped child, handicapped from birth is somewhat different. My limbs do not work, my brain is slow in understanding, and reacting and, my parents instead of doting upon me like other parents, always look at me with worry and dismay.
This attitude of theirs makes me in turn feel very depressed and, so much so I even wonder why I was born at all, was it just to give trouble to my parents?
I go to school which is meant for special children like me, where we are all looked after, and taught to read and write and also some craft. Since my hands and arms do move a little though very slow I can write and work but, my legs are absolutely useless as though paralysed.
To the school and from the school I have to be carried on a chair specially designed for this purpose, as, I cannot walk at all. My brain also works slow that is why, when children of my age are in STD. VIII, I am still in STD. IV only. My handicap is well understood by me and sometimes I feel so very depressed that I wish to kill myself.
At school the teachers are very kind and considerate to all of us as, all of us have a handicap of some kind. In the midst of all depression at times when I see children who are even more handicapped than me and cannot do even as little as I can, my thanks goes to the Lord Almighty.
While at home, my unhappiness mounts when I see my younger brother studying in STD. VII, playing cricket and football.
At times I see the games they play i.e. my brother and his friends on the playground in front of my house. The way they run, they jump, they kick all this knocks me down to depths of a feeling of absolute futility of my life.
On top of it all, when I see my parents feeling downcast and discussing my sad present and my bleak future I feel so sick of myself and my life. I just do not understand what I should do to handle this unhappy situation in the home. At such moments, I feel more for my parents than for myself.
I feel for them as, they are unhappy seeing me in this unhappy condition and they are worried about wondering what will happen to me when they are not there to look after me. The predicament in which my parents are, makes me feel as though I was a worm eating into their life and money.
However, the greatest tragedy about it all is that, I can do nothing about it all, though I understand it all.
Life, as a child which is full of light heartedness for all other or rather at least most of the children is full of only care and worry - for me. I also at times do wonder as to how long I have to live and how I will do it. What exists I understand but, what is to be done is a misnomer, and cannot be redeemed.
Is the situation not very distressing? Oh! God help me and all such children like me and all their parents. Help the parents by taking us all to your heavenly abode and relieve us and also our parents of the tragedy and tragic life destined for us to live.
We mean only frustration and worry for our parents and all to whom we belong. Our lives are of no use to any one, not even to ourselves. God, I earnestly pray to lift us from here and take us all in your kind protection.
I am sure the parents of all such special children will feel sad if you take us away but, I am sure that, in the long run they will be saved all the botheration we cause to them every minute of our lives. God do hear my prayer.